Are you an OVER-GIVER?

Contributed by Sheryl Brennan

Imagine the following scenarios:

Your day consists of waking at 5am to make breakfast and get husband and kids off to their respective destinations with hand-packed lunches tucked neatly under their arms. When you arrive home from your own day job, you immediately go into the kitchen to make dinner, start a few loads of laundry, and help the children with their homework. Somewhere after the dinner dishes, toting kids to sports practices and music lessons, and the never ending housecleaning, you fall into bed completely and totally spent. Just as you start to drift off to sleep, hubby nuzzles your ear in that intimately familiar way…

You sit down for a moment to catch your breath when your twelve-year-old bursts through the living room to announce she is supposed to bring cupcakes to school tomorrow. Responding to her panic, you rush into the kitchen to pre-heat the oven, then grab your car keys. Another late night grocery store run for baking supplies because store bought cupcakes just won’t do…

In the heat of the moment, you fantasize what it would be like to have a weekend all to yourself.  Somewhere tropical where you can lounge by the pool without hearing the word “MOM” shouted every five minutes. You shake off the luxurious thoughts and feel guilty for wanting to travel without your family. You’re a wife and mother… it’s your job to take care of everyone and make sure they have everything they need. They wouldn’t know what to do without you….

Sound familiar?

Women, especially those that are caregivers, tend to give so much of themselves, that their entire sense of self-worth is wrapped around how happy they are making others. Does it make them feel good in the short term? Yes.

But what happens when others around them aren’t happy with what they’ve giving and doing? How do these super-women feel about themselves when they want to say no because they are tapped out of time or energy, but don’t? How is their self-esteem affected when the nest is empty? What do you think happens to their health when they are running on all cylinders 24/7/365?

Guilt? Resentment? Disease? Maybe all three, plus some! If any of this even remotely resounds within your heart, take a few moments to reflect upon what you can do, right now, to change the behavior pattern.

Physical

Nutrition, Rest, Exercise. Pampering. If you aren’t taking care of your own basic needs, put together an action plan so that your body gets the attention it needs to thrive. Go to the spa and treat yourself to a manicure, pedicure, or massage. Cut out one empty calorie food per day and replace it with a healthier choice. Go to bed when you are tired, rather than willing yourself awake or loading your system with caffeine to finish a project. A well rested mind is more focused and efficient!

Mental

Treating yourself to a spa treatment  works wonders for your external AND  internal states. Don’t overlook the importance of pampering yourself on a regular basis, to feel great about yourself and feel ready to take on the world.

Spiritual

Meditation is known for its healing and relaxation benefits. Whether its praying at your synagogue or church, or just enjoying a quite mind moment in the garden, nourish your soul by feeding it regularly with meditation.

Social

Having social support keeps you healthier and happier, by creating a buffer against stress. Good friends can pick you up when you’re sad, provide guidance when you’re confused, and help you have fun when you need to blow off steam.

And finally, remember the old wisdom: Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime.

Refuse to over-give and teach your loved ones that in learning to care for themselves, they are caring for you! The most precious woman in their lives.

Welcome Back To School And ME TIME

Contributed by Sheryl Brennan

Ahhhh. Autumn is in the air. The time when the kids go back to school and I get my life back to myself. Ok, so not completely to myself, but mostly.

Don’t get me wrong,  I love my kids. (All five of them) But when my little cherubs are safely on their way to continuing their educations, I get my ME TIME back. Part of that time is just reveling in the silence of finishing housework and laundry without hearing the word “Mom” shouted across the room fifteen times.

Holistic medical practitioners have discovered over the course of hundreds of years that women who spend more time mothering and nurturing than taking care of themselves succumb to disease earlier and more frequently during their adult life. Evidently, sacrificing oneself for the sake of their loved ones is not exactly what nature intended. As the airlines say, literally hundreds of times per day,  “Put the oxygen mask on yourself, before helping those around you.”

So this school year, I have committed to nurturing myself.   Call it luxuryor stress release… I prefer to label it preventative medicine. A massage, facial, manicure, or pedicure and the short hour to hour and a half out of my day to have those services performed won’t kill me, but not taking care of myself  just might.

If relaxing at my favorite spa in Louisville gives me a little more patience to help my teenagers with their Geometry homework or to tolerate their eye rolls and head bobs with a little more grace, then it’s worth every single penny.

Do you know a woman who gives so much to others that she has nothing left at the end of the day to give to herself? Leave us a comment and tell us about her. Then check back each week where we will talk more about women, their sense of duty, and how to balance it all with style!